where the summer goes

Again, there is nothing here.  There is only:

NICK’S PANT’S FOOD CORNER

and

MISGUIDED ADVERTISING.

Follow them instead.  I update them with original content.  Come take a peek behind the Irony Curtain.

There is no more Where the Summer Goes.

There is only Nick’s Pants and Food Corner

Come along, and let me be your guide on a journey through space and time and brunch and pants.

More power to any man/woman who can own their abinism/gender neutral thing.  This dude deserves all the riches life offers him.

I know how you feel.

I went to a club last night (or as I will now always call it “the Cluuuurb”), and was denied access for wearing a white t-shirt.

Yes.  This still happens.

A friend told me that it had something to do with gang involvement which I guess must be true since, if you saw the other people being admitted to this cluuurb, you’d know that it wan’t for high fashion reasons as everyone else looked as though they’d just left the ‘single young professional youth date rapist training facility’ earlier that night.  The worst part is that I didn’t even want to go in; I was meeting a friend who I like but whom obviously has made grave errors in terms of their social life which I will forgive.

But anyhoovers… what kind of uncreative gang chooses common white t-shirts as their uniform?  You can’t choose the widely accepted outfit of Americana as your way of standing apart from the world. 

When you’re young, you see things in pretty black & white terms.  Good and bad.  If someone is a nazi, then they aren’t your friend.  If someone hates Jewish people they are nazis.

Simple.

But as you get older, you realize that there is such a thing as casual anti-semitism.  And what’s worse is that you start to realize that a lot of the people you grew up with are actually kind of racist.  I think this realization begins around college age, like when you go to a party and some drunk dickface tells you to “Grab me a beer.  Don’t be a Jew.”  And when you first start hearing this, it doesn’t immediately strike you how incredibly strange this is.  It’s like when you meet some Boston bro from Beantown, and he gets all ‘wicked smaaaart’ and recites the Chris Rock sketch about “The difference between black people and niggers”.  This eventually becomes a person who says things like, “What?  They can say it but I can’t… If you ask me then that’s racist.”

Okay guy.

Anyhooooo…

That’s usually when you stop hanging out with that dude.  So that’s pretty cut and dry.  But when it gets really weird is when you find yourself around people who don’t take it that far, and maybe they have good taste in music that you respect, or a cool job where they design some kind of fascinating object but, every now and then, they still say something about Jewish people.  Then you have to realize that friendship has a lot of grey areas.  Like, there’s different levels to it.  Like when you’re hanging out with some crazy alcoholic dude who loves pussy and has a lot of good jokes; even though you can’t take him out to meet your wife, you can still hang with him every now and then for a change of pace.  Same with your casually racist friends; as long as they don’t push it (and weirdly, not all of them do), they are still good for lively conversation and debate.

But what do you do if your friend is a fucking crazy racist?  Like, lets say you end up at a bachelor party (here’s a tip: if you are ever at a fucking bachelor party, you will almost certainly realize that you have nothing in common with your friends and that you actually kind of hate them… and bachelor parties are fucking retarded anyhow sooo…) but yeah, so you are at a bachelor party with all these dudes you never really hang out with and you realize that the best man is adamantly opposed to interracial couples; what the fuck do you do in this situation?  Or maybe not adamantly opposed but just casually opposed?  You didn’t even know that was possible.  Guess what dude; it totally is!  And it’s a crazy thing to wrap your head around.

Here’s a crazy hypothetical: Would you stop listening to the sweet sounds of Joni Mitchell if you found out that the she was a holocaust denier?

P.S. How is it possible that, politically, Boston is liberal as shit, but if you go there you see that it is quite possibly the most segregated place in America?  And everyone there is racist.

I need some new house pants.

Right now, as we are in the dregs of winter, I spend most of my time in housepants - which are bullshit garbage pants that should never be worn in public.  They shouldn’t even be worn in the unlikely event that guests arrive at your own house. So they are not just housepants.  They are more for-private-use-only-and-in-my-own-house-and-not-even-for-a-trip-to-the-market-for-a-snack-pants.  

Housepants are, for me, any kind of ill-fitting sweatpants that don’t ever get washed.  EVER!  They can be old or new but they always retain that “new sweatpants feel” on the inside on account of their having never been cleaned.  This is important.  Less important is that the outside of the pants are rendered hard and crusty (mollusk-like?) with ketchup/ice cream stains, and harbour a lingering odor of old beer and Tilex, from that time you (correctly) used the pants in place of a rag to clean part of your bathtub.

You have some housepants of your own, I’m sure.

I usually pair my housepants with a nice old and ill-fitting grey t-shirt.  What is up with the grey t-shirts that make them so much more comfortable than any other color?  Does the grey dye effect their texture?  Was there a secret agreement amongst shirt manufacturers to simply make the grey ones out of a more sheer fabric?  Neither of these explanations seem very likely, but you know what I’m talking about.

But back to your disgusting garbage house pants….

Sometimes (other, less dignified) people purchase designer garbage pants (almost surely made from velour), and pair them with Uggs and head off to Duane Reade to do a little Christmas shopping, which is bad for the shopping movement and consumerism and American pride in general, but the garbage pants aesthetic specifically.

Stop ruining the sexy comfort appeal of garbage pants!